I have been watching a lot of people go through break up's lately.
I don't know about you, but when I go through a break up I tend to question absolutely everything. Am I even worth anything? Was I not good enough? Did I just waste a bunch of my time? Is my guy-radar broken? Can I even trust myself? Why didn't I see this clearer? Was it all my fault? Can I even make decisions?
Why, why, why, why. I must be dumb.
All of these questions can be absolutely paralyzing and usually none of them are even actually true, but we are tortured by them anyway.
Healthy self-analysis is a very good thing and we can really thrive off of it. We owe it to ourselves to assess our relationships so we can move forward with new knowledge to grow with. But how do we keep ourselves from staying in the "wtf is wrong with me" stage for too long? Well, tell ourselves to stfu.
(Here's a link if you don't know what the means https://www.internetslang.com/STFU-meaning-definition.asp)
Sometimes self-analysis can go on far too long, after fruit sits out on the table it starts to go bad and all of the sudden you've got fruit flies. Gross. We don't want fruit flies, we want to eat the fruit in it's prime before it starts to rot. Gross.
Usually in the waves of a break up, we catch a very specific break. There's this moment when we collect ourselves and feel a surge of self-confidence and security. Most of the time that comes from hope in something greater that we see in the future (whether work opportunities, travel, etc) or finally feeling very confident the right choice was made. I compare this feeling to when you're at the gym and the perfect pump up song comes on - there's this surge in energy that makes you feel strong, happy, and ready to kick ass.
When we get to this point in our break up process, we need to ride that wave and we need to stay on it. Shortly after the confidence wave comes, without a doubt a sad wave shows up out of no where and tries to drown us - this is where we fight. And our weapon of choice? Truth.
9 times out of 10 the negative things we tell ourselves are false. You can apply that to body image, confidence, blame, shame, etc. I have found that when I am hit with a negative thought like, "can I even trust myself?", I follow that question up with a question, until I have an actual answer. When a question like "am I valued" is rolling around in your head, catch it that sucker and question it. Interrogate the mofo (I'll let you google that one yourself) until you have an actual truthful answer. In most cases we will end up with a positive answer that kills the lie & the negative thought. Don't let a negative thought just stay up there free to roam around every which corner of your mind. Grab it, question it, get a real answer...and then throw it in the trash.
Question your negative thoughts until you have a positive truth. Kill the fruit flies so they stop multiplying and invading your home. Your mind & body are your home. Take care of your home.
When your mind is calling you into question with negative lies, get the jury and put those negative thoughts behind bars, for life.