Ever since the age of 8, I've attended funeral, after funeral, after funeral, and although death is inevitable for all of us, the idea of death seemed to follow me around like a looming dark cloud. Even with being a Christian my entire life, death has always been something that had scared me on a deep level even though God calls us not to be afraid; that death has no sting because He overcame it. I was never afraid of what dying might feel like, that was not my worry at all. My worry has more so been the concept of what it would be like to no longer exist on this earth anymore, the thought that we only get one life here, that we never get to come back - these thoughts would always draw me to tears and bring on dark anxiety. In my earlier years, this struggle was very present. I overcame it for a little while, but this year it seemed to come back. I've been praying about this feeling a lot over the last few months, that God would remove all of my fear and set my spirit free of this hold. After months of prayer, God lead me to a scripture this morning that brought me absolute and ultimate peace, which lead me to share it with you because I know that I am not alone in having this kind of fear.
The context of this scripture is Jesus having a conversation with his disciples just days before his crucifixion. He was explaining to his disciples that they will be sad at first, but then they will find joy. They were having a hard time understanding what Jesus meant, so this is what Jesus said to them:
“When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there’s no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You’ll no longer be so full of questions. "
John 16:21-24 MSG
This hit me so hard. I immediately had understanding and my fear was gone. This scripture told me that although it seems so extremely sad and hard right now (for me, knowing that this earthly time is fleeting), the joy that I will receive after life is going to be so sweet that I won't even remember the pain of the sadness I had once felt. How beautiful is that! That is so crazy beautiful! With growing up in church and attending a Christian school most of my life, I was so surprised I hadn't heard this verse before. I don't even know how I stumbled upon this verse this morning, but I do believe it was all Gods intention. He was 100% guiding me and answering my prayers, which makes my faith in Him even stronger! God is so good. He is SO good.
So tonight I am falling asleep with ultimate peace. I don't have to worry about death, because after death there will be a joy so deep that I will know nothing else.
Blessings and love to all :)